By: Maddie & Janelle
My mom and I sat down to chat about motherhood—what we wish we’d known, what actually matters, and what we’ve learned to let go of. We got real about the highs, the hard parts, and the little moments we’d hold onto a bit longer if we could.
MADDIE'S RESPONSES
1. What’s something you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a brand-new mom?
If I could go back, I’d tell myself to just soak it all in. I wish I had truly understood how fleeting these years are. Even just the last 7 years — it’s such a short time, but it feels like a blink. I also wish I had tuned out the whole “trendy mom influencer” wave that’s always joking about how terrible their kids are. Yes, motherhood is hard, but honestly? The payout is massive. My life became so much richer when I stopped focusing on what I was losing and started seeing all that I had gained. I think I would’ve enjoyed those early years more — with Axel and Evie — if I hadn’t been so caught up in the hard parts. I feel like I’m able to enjoy Joey’s baby-to-toddler phase more because of that shift. It’s still hard, of course, but I find so much more joy in it now. Tune out the constant complaining or the joke-harping on kids. There’s so much richness if you look for it.
2. How did you navigate the pressure to “do it all,” and what helped you let go of unrealistic expectations?
Social media has been around and very prevalent since I became a mom. I still struggle with not feeling like I’m doing enough and learning to let that go. One thing that has helped, though, is understanding that it’s just a highlight reel. If you’ve seen Bluey, I feel like you can relate to the feelings of inadequacy as a parent compared to Chili and Bandit. I read something the other day that said, “You literally see seven minutes of these fictional characters’ lives.” While it is funny, it is so true and such a good reminder. Comparison is the thief of joy, even in how much you do as a mom. While I still strive to be the ultimate “healer mom,” reminding myself that all the extraness is just noise helps me focus on what really matters. I can feel the shift in my house—and the peace that comes with it. That peace is what my kids need more than attending every little event, having big birthday parties, a perfectly clean house, or the influencer vibe, I guess.
3. What’s a fun tradition your mom did—or you did with your kids—that you hope to carry on with the kids/grandkids?
We always did movie nights and junk food nights growing up, and I’ve continued that tradition with my kids — they absolutely love it. It’s something they request often, and I try to keep it special. We take them to the store to pick out their favorite candy, grab popcorn and maybe some ice cream. We order in food, something fun! Then we set up plat beds with blankets and pillows, and the kids pick a movie for all of us to watch together. It’s something I loved as a kid, and honestly, I love it even more now as a mom.
4. What’s something you thought mattered so much that turned out not to matter at all or not as much as you thought?
4. Whew. Developmental milestones — they really messed with me as a young mom. I used to lie awake at night worrying constantly about Axel and Evie. Both were delayed in different ways, and I carried so much stress around it. Axel had a speech delay. And I’m ashamed to admit it, but I used to get frustrated that he wouldn’t just talk. Later, we learned he had Childhood Apraxia of Speech. With therapy and support, his speech came a long way — and now he’s thriving. Evie was similar in her own way. I grieved the life I thought she should have after learning she had a limb difference. I stressed over what her development would look like, what her future would be. And now? It looks different, yes — but it’s still so full. I wish I could go back and hug that version of me — the one who was so scared and stressed — and tell her: it might not look how you imagined, but it’s going to be okay. Maybe even more than okay.
JANELLE'S RESPONSES
1. What’s something you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a brand-new mom?
You know, I think if I could go back, I’d tell myself to be so much more present. Just enjoy the time—it really does go by so fast. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but it does. And I would remind myself to take care of myself, too. I got so wrapped up in everyone else’s needs that I didn’t prioritize my own. The dishes will always be there. So will the laundry and the housework. But those moments? They’re fleeting. Take the time to be present and make sure your cup is filled—or at least halfway full.
2. How did you navigate the pressure to “do it all,” and what helped you let go of unrealistic expectations?
I don’t think I ever fully let go—I was always stressed out. If I could go back, I’d tell myself to stop worrying about everything else and just enjoy my kids more. You know that sign that says, “The house was clean yesterday. Sorry you missed it.” Embrace that! I wish I had. I should have let the little things go to hell… easier said than done, I know. But if you’re a new mom, hear me: enjoy your kids. Take some quiet time for yourself. The rest will still be there tomorrow.
3. What’s a fun tradition your mom did—or you did with your kids—that you hope to carry on with the kids/grandkids?
Christmas morning was always a big deal in our house growing up. My mom made eggs Benedict—it was a tradition from my paternal grandmother that she carried on. And I’ve been lucky enough to keep that tradition alive with my grandkids these last few Christmases. It’s something I hold near and dear to my heart. My kids know that if they’re spending Christmas with me, we’re having eggs Benedict for breakfast. Some of my kids from the other moms have even told me they make it now, too—and I just love that. Passing down something meaningful like that feels really special. Also, my grandparents would take us for 6 weeks every summer. He was retired military, and we always packed up and stayed in their motorhome or at their house in Tampa, Florida. We drove across the country sometimes, and traveled to so many places. I hope to continue to explore with my kids/grandkids. I want to give my grandkids the experience my grandparents gave me.
4. What’s something you thought mattered so much that turned out not to matter at all or not as much as you thought?
The kids are getting good grades. Haha. I always wanted them to do well in school. I wish I had approached some of their work differently. Sometimes, hard work for a kid does not translate to good grades, even if they are putting in the hard work. I wish I could have seen that earlier when they were in school. I wish I would have met each kid where they were at instead of thinking it needed to look like everybody else.
